ASG 2: Feedback on Proposal

Post no.13
Type: Feedback and Self-evaluation


Alright, the top might say 'Post 13', but in fact for Assignment 2, this was only the 8th post. A couple of days ago Daniel (our tutor) posted on our Facebook page, divulging his disappointment on my class's proposals. Along, he attached this photo with some helpful advise.  

I'm going to upload the image here in case the group get's flooded with posts, drowning this one.

Him posting about the proposals reminded me that I had not posted about the feedback that I had about my proposal. I'll be separating this post into 3 parts, where I have had a peer feedback session, a personal tutor feedback session and a self evaluation.

Personal tutor feedback session

• Narrow the title down, Refer to EVENTS in your title essay rather than ENVIRONMENTS. Environments might be too wide and would cover a lot of factors which would put my essay in the 'danger zone which could stray away from the original idea'.

• Make a clear chart on the branches and differences to aid the essay, since my essay contains many comparative issues. Images in the essay help to clarify many things. 

• Have more detailed outlines & structures. (my timeline was really brief)

• WORD CHOICES. Keep it simple. The target audience may not know anything about media or ubi computing. It could be simple, and sophisticated.

• THE FLOW! Take care of it.

• Get some recent ideas, theories. Sometimes old theories tend to contradict current trends and might not be relevant anymore. Make sure the sources are legit.

• Do more deep reading. Truly understand what you are writing about.

Peer feedback session

We all prepared little notes to prepare ourselves for a mini presentation that we thought we had to do that day in class. Taken by surprise, our proposals were given out randomly among our classmates and our friends had to present our proposal based on their understanding. They had to sell it. Shireen presented mine, and I presented hers. How lucky we were to get each other's proposal. She was going to write about games helping the community indirectly through charity drives or directly by playing the games itself. 

After all that, the class had to vote if they would fund the research or not. I had like 5 out of 10 hands.

• The proposal is confusing, too many big words. The flow as well.

• Not intriguing enough.

• Questions about Cyborgism and why didn't I put it in. I told them it was a whole other area to explore, but of course I'd put one or two sentences of it in there.

Self-Evaluation

• I tried too hard to make it sound professional with all those fancy media terms. When we did that peer feedback session, I truly realized that this was a paper for EVERYONE. Know the target audience before writing the paper, or anything for that matter.

• Map my idea down clearly. I might have made a structure, but it should be even clearer.

• Try not to use TOO MANY theories in the essay/proposal. Those are really big ideas and shouldn't be carelessly thrown around just to increase the word count or citing beef in the essay. Using one theory is enough to argue through the entire essay. Well, unless you are comparing contradicting media theories, then yeah. Maximum 2, or 3. Before that, I had like 5 which was too much.

• Images, Images, Images. Include images.